i think my tv is drunk
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
