Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
