I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
