I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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