you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
