Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
