Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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