Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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