it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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