I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
