Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
