After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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