my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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