whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
