just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
