ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
