He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
