Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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