his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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