if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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