if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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