Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
