I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
