are you so shy because you have an std?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
