I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
