Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think i got beer on your cat.
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