Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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