One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My life is pants optional.
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