dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
