What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
