we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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