Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
