wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
