My sheets look like a crime scene.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
