I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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