Im at strip club and am horny
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
