I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
