She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
