I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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