Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
