im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In other news, I just burned my penis
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
