i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
