I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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