Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
