Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
