who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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