I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
