Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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