Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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