Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
