I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
