Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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