Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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