I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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