So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
