the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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