God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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