I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
