We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize