I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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