my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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