the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
