I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
