so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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