Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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