friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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