Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Holy shit dude........stairs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
