Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well I just put wine in my tea
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
