8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
