I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
