bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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