Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
