oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
