So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
